I don't want to raise successful children by Lysa TerKeurst

This was read a couple of months ago in mom's group and has made a big impression on me. It's worth reading and may change the way you look at parenting.
Written by Lysa TerKeurst

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

I don't want to raise successful children. That's a shocking thing to read, and a shocking thing for a mother to type. So, let me clarify.

I used to define success according to my child's report card. Good grades and academic achievement would surely equal a good child with great potential in this world. But then several of my children wound up being average students with average grades. Though we carted them off to tutors and spent many a late night at the kitchen table helping them, they remained average. And I remained concerned and frustrated.

One report card day I found myself facedown in the fibers of my carpet crying and wondering, "Where have I gone wrong as a mom?"

I dug into Scriptures. I begged God for wisdom and discernment. I prayed for God's perspective with each of my kids. Finally, one day it dawned on me - what if I simply chose to embrace the natural bent of each of my kids as God's way to protect them and keep them on the path toward His best plans for their lives?

What if my A student needs academic success to prepare her for God's plans while my average to below-average student needs to be steered away from a more academic future? What if my sports star kid needs that athletic excellence for his future assignments by God, but my benchwarmer kid is being protected from getting off course by her lack in this area?

And that's when it finally dawned on me. My job isn't to push success for my kids. My job as a parent is to recognize the unique way God created each child and point them to Jesus at every turn along their journey toward adulthood. Yes, I want my kids to learn and thrive and grow up educated, but it's not a flaw in me or them if they don't have straight A report cards and trophy cases full of sports medals.

Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" (NIV).

I am challenged to ponder these words, "... in the way he should go." Are we training our kids that the "way he should go" is to chase worldly achievement or to chase God? Whatever they learn to chase as a child, they will chase as adults. Therefore, we must be challenged to honestly assess the way we are pointing them to go.

My daughter, Hope, is one of my average students. She has also warmed many a bench in the sports she's tried, and can always be found hiding on the back row of the stage during school concerts. Using the world's benchmarks for achievement, Hope wouldn't be seen as a child positioned for success. But God...

This past January, my 15 year old Hope, shocked me when she announced she wanted to go to Ethiopia with some missionary friends of ours and live in the remote African bush for the summer. Yes, she may not have trophies and straight A report cards but she does have a heart of gold. And because she's not entrenched in sports and academic pursuits that could have created obligations for her summer, she was free to go to Africa. Free to chase God in a really big way.

One of the first e-mails she sent me from Ethiopia read, "Mom, I've fallen in love with the AIDS orphanage children. They rushed at me when I held my arms out and I tried with all my might to hold all 30 of them at once. I love it here."

Now, don't get me wrong. I do expect Hope to return to her studies this fall, give 100% effort, and finish her high school career having done her very best. She will most likely then go to college. But she probably won't be delivering the valedictorian address or wearing the honors cords and medals. She'll be the one with a vision of a dying AIDS orphan pressing against her heart ready to chase God's plans to the ends of the earth.

So back to my original statement, I don't want to raise successful children. It's true, I don't. Though Hope's sister coming behind her is an A student and can always be found on the front row of school performances - we don't chase after success for her either. I trust God that she needs those things in her life for the plans He's unfolding in her life. We train with that bent in mind. But, we don't chase it. Just like Hope, we point her in the direction of God at every turn and pray like crazy.

I stand by what I said and I'll say it again, I don't want to raise successful children. Because--- raising God-honoring adults who will set the world on fire for Christ is just so much more rewarding.

Dear Lord, being a mom is a really tough job. Please help me, teach me and show me how to define success for my kids. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Snow Day

We got snow today!!! Brody just loves it. He is so cute stomping around in his green Dino boots. Nanny is here this weekend so we have enjoyed making snow memories with her. Our neighbors also came over to play, and they bought sleds. Here is a short video of Brody sliding in our backyard.

Brody singing "Everybody Dance Now"

Brody recently heard the song "Everybody Dance," and now he sings it all the time. One of his favorite times of the day that he likes to burst out in song is after his bath. This video was taken after his bath, and I couldn't figure out how to turn off the camera at the end. Ryan is watching the LSU game so there is also a "Go Tigers" in there. As you see, Brody and me are musically and technology challenged. It's just one big ol' crazy household!

Happy Birthday Maggie!

Today is Maggie's 8th birthday! It has been eight wonderful years with her. She has always been like child to us, but she has also been a best friend too. No matter where we have moved over the years or the ups and downs in life we've had, Maggie has been my constant. I love my little friend!!!

The Amazinig Spider-Man!

I've received several magazines with Halloween costumes the past few weeks, and Brody loves looking through them. His favorite one in any of the magazines is Spider-Man! Why Spidey....I have no idea! He has been some kind of precious pumpkin the past three Halloweens, but I guess he's growing up this year. I was hoping he would want to be a cute animal, but instead I get an action hero. So today Brody picked up his Spider-Man figurine, and said "Brody be Spider Man?" That's a really good sentence for him...four words!!! I couldn't help but to smile and say "yes." I took him to Target, and once again out of all the costumes he chose Spider Man. Brody tightly hung onto Spidey the whole time in the store. He didn't even want to hand it of over to the cashier. He has been one excited kid all afternoon. It has been entertaining to watch him pretend to be Spider Man. Maybe Brody will get spider-reflexes and great agility from his costume. He is already trying to climb every wall, and he has learn that even super heroes have rules that they have to obey too! It's fun to see our amazing Brody become
The Amazing Spider-Man!

It is what it is

There are sometimes in life that we just need to say "it is what it is." It's ok to take a step back from a situation and look at it with the realization that it's something you cannot change. Most of you know that I'm a glass is half full, optimist, goal setter, and change the world kind of gal. It has taken me a long time to come to grip with the fact that everything does not have to be just right. And let me just tell you what a relief comes with just saying something is what it is. Having my son Brody has really taught me to shrug some circumstances off and accept them for what they are. Why worry about something you can't change? There are just going to be those days when you work so hard on a project and it turns out to be a disaster. Just smile and know you tried! I'm never going to cook the perfect meal. Something is always going to go wrong. I can cry over my burnt food or just laugh at it. Some of my best laughs come from laughing at myself. Learn to laugh with and at your family. It's better to sometimes just love family for who they are rather than try to change them to be who you want them to be. Jobs are not perfect because you are working with imperfect people. You will enjoy work so much more when you quit stressing about the things you cannot change. Why complain about the same things or person everyday? There are also times when we make mistakes that we need to apoligize and then let it go. Quit beating yourself up for the same thing over and over again. Just say "I made a mistake and it is what it is." Vacations, holidays , and events are just not going to go perfectly according to our plans because we are dealing with someone besides ourselves. One of my life mottoes is "The best days are not the perfect and well-scheduled ones, but they are the ones that take us by surprise." It has taken me a lot of useless heartache to come up with that quote. I have learned to make the choice to just smile and say "It is what it is!"


Paul also can to the same conclusion. "For I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content." Philippians 4:11

Our Home

We've been in our new home a few weeks now, and we love it! God is so good! Brody is adjusting well. The first week was a little rough for him, but he is now running around everywhere. He is also talking more. I think Maggie is the happiest of all. She had been depressed for months in the apartment. She has regained her old pep in her step and loves looking out all the windows. Ryan and I are enjoying our kitchen. There is a lot of space to cook all kinds of yummy foods. We have already started having friends over for dinner.

The house is ready for more visitors! You all have an open invite to come visit any time you want. So if you are ever in the Charlotte area, please come see us.